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A/N: This might seem like a lemon in the beginning, but trust me, it’s not.
Temari pressed her lips hungrily against every bit of bare skin she could find. Her fingers clawed at the dark mesh shirt he was currently sporting, and she couldn’t think a second past what was going on right then and there. She pressed more firmly against him — needing more, wanting more. Shikamaru’s hands deftly tugged at her hair so that the golden strands fell free of her casual style spilling all across her face.
Temari groaned against his neck.
She kissed her way up to his lips and pressed down firmly, losing every trace of her surroundings within his mouth. Fighting for dominance, and submitting to his every now and then.
Her fingernails curled into his shirt and just as quick as this makeout session began, Temari’s desires incensed. Hastily, she tried pushing the shirt off of him. She was so disoriented that for the first few seconds she tried taking his shirt off by pulling it down. After a few moments of complete confusion, her mind started working minimally, and she relieved him of his shirt. She began to move down lower to discard him of his pants when she felt her body lock up and freeze.
It didn’t take her long to figure out why she was incapable of movement. Just as quickly as his shadow had incapacitated her, she regained control of her body. She stared down at the man beneath her. “What was that?” She demanded, more confused than anything else.
“Look, Temari,” His cheeks were flushed and eyes hazy with desire, “I love you, I do, but…”
“But what?” She frowned, “If this is about protection–”
“No, that’s not it.”
“Then?” Temari prodded, trying to put her desires under control.
“I…” Shikamaru bit his lower lip and looked nervously up at her, “This is going to sound absolutely stupid, but…”
“But?”
“I want to wait.”
“Wait?”
“Yeah.”
She sat up, still sitting calmly on his chest, “Wait for what?”
He closed his eyes. “Troublesome.”
“Shikamaru!” Temari uttered in aggravation. “Answer me!” Hell, if he was going to turn her down, then it damn well better be for a good reason.
“I don’t…I don’t…” He sighed and opened his dark eyes. He looked up at her, his eyes firm with resolution. “I don’t want to have sex until I’m married.”
She blinked dumbly. “Until you’re married?”
“Yes.”
“You?”
“Yes.”
She rubbed her eyes slowly and pinched herself. After a few minutes of contemplation, Temari decided she was very much awake. Hesitantly, she spoke, “Really?”
“Yes.”
“B-But you’re a guy!” She exclaimed as if that explained everything.
“I’m aware.”
“Guys are usually the ones pressing for it!”
“It seems that that’s usually the case.” He replied calmly. “But it’s not with me.”
“Unbelievable.” She breathed. “Unbelievable.”
“What is?”
Temari shifted slightly, “That I seem to have found the only decent man left in this stupid world.” She paused. “You know, I’ve never had sex either.”
“And you wanted to give your virginity to me?” He asked a slight blush on his cheeks.
Temari felt the heat rush to her face. “I love you.” She mumbled.
Shikamaru wound his hand behind her head and led her gently forward. He kissed her slowly on the lips. “I love you too.”
She sighed as he pulled back. “You’re still not going to do this until we get married, aren’t you?”
“Precisely.”
She hesitated. “I’m not ready to get married just yet.”
“I’m okay with that.” He said calmly.
“You are?”
He smiled. “I’m pretty patient, Temari.”
She grinned. “You are unbelievable.”
A/N: I was talking to my mom about her relationship with my dad today. This story is a piece of their story. My mom didn’t really care about waiting, or even getting married for that matter. My dad didn’t want to do anything until he got married. My dad was the one who told her either marry me or nothing. I found that really funny when she told me.Tenten gracefully bounded over to the bed and settled upon it cross-legged. She nudged Shikamaru with her foot and gave him even glare.
Shikamaru stretched up. “Alright, I’m leaving.”
Temari wanted to pull him back down on the bed and order him to stay. She ignored the voices in her head that told her to do so. Really, if she started listening all the time to the voices in her head she’d be in big trouble – she’d be even crazier than they all believed her to be.
“Kankurou,” Tenten chimed cheerfully, “get lost.”
Kankurou rolled his eyes. “Mood swings.” He grumbled under his breath exiting the room.
Gaara watched Tenten in mild amusement. “I assume you want me to leave as well?”
“Yes, please.”
Gaara followed after his brother. Shikamaru bent down to remove the headphones from around her neck. She drew her hand up to her neck where they had been. With a wry smile Shikamaru placed the headphones over his own ears. “I’ll be downstairs.” He smiled then exited too.
Hinata turned, about to leave, when Tenten interrupted her. “Ep! Hina, I’d like you here.”
“Wh-Why?”
“Duh. Girl talk.”
Temari stared at the brunette. “Are you even capable of girl talk, Tenten?”
“I’m capable of all kinds of talking.” She defended happily.
Hinata timidly sat on the edge of the bed. Her lavender eyes scoured the entire room. Her nose wrinkled just the tiniest bit.
“Aha! You think it’s messy too!” Temari proclaimed as if in triumph.
Hinata blushed. “Well, just…a little.”
Tenten scoffed. “A little? Damn, girl, it’s a lot messy.” Tenten clicked her tongue. “I can’t believe you’re going to marry this disorganized boy.”
Temari’s eyes snapped to attention immediately. “Marry? Marry?”
Hinata ducked her head down.
Tenten snickered.
“Hold on, he asked you to marry him?” How long was she out of it? She remembered that Hinata and her littlest brother were involved in some way, but she didn’t think they were anywhere near ready to get married. Married?
Tenten’s eyes bugged out of her head and she fell to the floor in a fit of uproariously laughter. Temari wryly thought how unfair it was that even when the brunette fell she managed to avoid any clumpy painful bits that covered Gaara’s floor in its entirety.
Hinata lifted her head, an indescribable expression in her eyes. “Would it be so bad if I did marry Gaara?”
Tenten’s snickers subsided minimally. Her light brown eyes analyzed Temari with complete scrutiny.
Temari floundered. “You’re a bit y-young to be getting ma-married.”
“So if we were older,” Hinata asked calmly, “you wouldn’t care?”
“Of course I’d care.” Temari oddly felt like she was being tested for something. She couldn’t quite figure out what she was being tested for just quite yet. Obviously something important, but that’s as far as she could get. “I mean, he’s my youngest brother and you’re my friend; I’d care if you two decided to get married.”
“I meant, would it bother you?” Hinata’s voice was so low Temari marveled that she could hear it. Most surprisingly, she marveled at how clear it sounded to her. Hinata did indeed have the loveliest voice.
“Why would it bother me? If you both wanted to get married, I don’t think I’d mind.” She paused. “You love him right?”
Hinata nodded.
“I wouldn’t mind in the least then.”
A small smile spread across the pale beauty’s face. She really looked incredibly lovely when she was truly happy.
“You know, Bluey,” Temari began thoughtfully; “you should smile more often. Like, for real, you know? You like nice when you do.”
She really didn’t think she’d mind if they got married. In fact, she’d be happy. Gaara was the happiest she’d seen him in the longest time; she couldn’t ever recall the redhead being as contented as he was when he was with Hinata. It was a quiet peaceful sort of love.
Very nice.
Temari had the suspicion that Shikamaru would laugh at her if she told him that. She also had the suspicion that she wouldn’t mind him laughing at her one bit. Their’s wasn’t a quiet love, there’s was a troublesome kind.
She rather liked it that way.
Temari was not by any means a sociable person, and as a woman who didn’t care much for social events, she distinctly hated parties of any kind.
She hated that she had to dress up for them. She hated that she had to ‘mingle’ at them. And she most definitely hated that she was expected to dance in public at them. It’s not that she was a bad dancer, she just felt that doing something like that in public was putting out a very private very personal action for everyone to gawk at. Besides, why would you bother doing something so private with a stranger? She might as well have sex with a stranger in public.
Temari blanched at the mere thought.
Of course, her father and brother Kankurou disagreed with her whole-heartedly. Temari followed after her brother into the accursed room inwardly calling her father every swear word she’d ever learned. And she knew quite a few.
Kankurou immediately departed her side without a word making a beeline towards a thin blond thing on the dance floor.
Deeply aggravated, Temari took one look at the room, hoping that there was perhaps someone she knew.
No such luck.
The music was pounding, resonating through the room loudly and the conversation of the party-goers overlapped into one loud buzz. Temari crossed her arms over her chest and let out an aggravated sigh.
Her father had forced her to attend, going as far as to literally shove her out the door. Temari leant against eh wall watching the people grind on the dance floor. She grimaced. A deep sense of awkwardness filled her and Temari wanted nothing more than to leave.
Unfortunately, Kankurou had driven.
There were a few problems with that.
- Kankurou had the keys.
- Even though she knew how to hotwire a car, Kankurou drove a stick. She only knew how to drive an automatic.
- It was too far to walk home.
- She was horrible with directions, she’d probably get lost
She let out a deep sigh and closed her eyes.
This was going to be a loong night.
-
Thirty minutes later, Temari was even more aggravated then she’d originally been. Guys kept coming over to her and asking her to dance. (It was about five now if she had counted correctly). Temari did not dance in public. She told them so, but the boys just gave cheeky, self-righteous grins and continued to bother her. As if a few badly phrased words would change her mind. Temari would’ve punched them, but she was already in serious trouble for fighting in school. Her father might disown her if she started a riot at a party.
So, rather, she chose to ignore that desire and insult them instead.
It’s not as if she looked the least bit special anyway, she was sure that she just looked bitchy.
Temari pushed herself off the wall and slipped through the door. The cold night air hit her quickly, awakening her. She idly kicked a smooth pebble at her foot. It skittered across the pavement bouncing off the gravel. She growled as her hair flicked in her face and once more Temari found herself wishing she was somewhere else. The resonating pounding of the music seemed to leak through the walls and follow her outside. She massaged her temples; she just hated this type of music. Temari kicked another pebble forcefully and watched as the smooth rock flew through the air straight at a car window. The pebble crakced through the glass and feel inside the vehicle.
“Oh, crap.” Temari breathed.
A heavy sigh sounded out behind her. “Troublesome, woman; that was my car.”
Heat rushed to her face. The man behind her was pretty tall, had thin eyebrows, a defined chin, piercing yet oddly lazy eyes, and dark brown hair falling down around his shoulders.
He had pretty long hair for a boy.
(But then, there had been that one guy with hair almost down to his ass, so maybe long hair on males a popular trend in this village.)
“It’s not my fault your windows are junk.”
He raised an eyebrow, “Who told you to kick a rock at my window?”
“It was a pebble.” She defended. “And if your window would break because of that, then you deserved it.”
The brunette rolled his eyes at her.
Temari scowled. Wasn’t he even going to demand she pay for it? She had broken it after all. Not that she would agree to pay for the damn thing, it was his fault for having such a shoddy car. But she was irritated enough to want a decent arguement.
Instead, the boy just fished some keys out of his pocket and headed to his car.
“Aren’t you even going to give me some crap on how I should pay for it?”
“Too troublesome.” He made his way to the driver’s side and opened the door, then slid in.
“Hell,” She called out, more interested than anything else, “aren’t you even going to pick up the broken glass shards that fell on the passenger side?”
“Too troublesome.”
Temari scrambled up and headed to his car. She leant against the passenger side of the car, her arms on the hood of the car, eyes peering through the hole she’d made in the window. “You’re leaving just like that?”
“I’m trying.” He looked pointedly at her. “What? Is there something else you’d like to break before I go?”
Temari scowled. “If I broke the other window it would match. Although maybe I should crack your head instead.” This guy was getting cheeky.
“Woman, as if you could.”
She bristled. “Is that a challenge?”
He stared at her impassively before closing his open door.
Oh, it was most definitely a challenge. Temari bent down and picked up a smooth pebble from the gravel. Aiming carefully she threw the pebble forcefully through the hole she’d just made right at the other window. Sure enough, the pebble went straight through, making a matching hole.
The boy looked silently at the second crack for a minute, then turned his gaze on her. HIs eyes were shocked, but there was most definitely a smile in them as well.
The lanky man watched her carefully. He leaned over the seat and unlocked the passenger door. “You can come if you want.”
Temari blinked.
That was not the reaction she was expecting.
Hell she’d just broken his other window and he invited her to come with him? What was he: nuts?
“Excuse me?” She asked.
“You hate this party. You can come if you want.”
She frowned. “Where exactly are you going?”
He shrugged, “Wherever you want to go; I had no specific place in mind.”
Temari once more placed her hands on the hood and outstretched them. She looked down between her hands through the window at the peculiar man. “I don’t even know you.”
“Shikamaru.”
“I just broke both your windows.”
“I know. They are my windows, after all.”
“And you’re inviting me to-to-to do stuff?”
He smiled, “You’re interesting.” He paused. “Besides, I’ve never seen a girl turn down Sasuke for anything before.”
Temari frowned. “Which idiot was Sasuke?”
“Dark hair. Dark eyes. Broody.”
“Oh!” That one had been good-looking, but also damnably annoying. The better looking ones always tended to be. “Which one is his car?”
Shikamaru raised an eyebrow, but pointed at a sleek new looking blue car.
Temari hesitated. “Does he have an alarm?”
Shikamaru shrugged. “I don’t think so.”
Good. She bent down and collected a handful of pebbles. Not bothering to aim at anything in specific, she just threw the lot of them at the shiny car. Temari felt deeply satisfied as his window gained five new pretty holes.
When she looked back at Shikamaru, she saw him smiling.
“What?” She defended, wrenching open the door to his car. Temari brushed aside the sharp glass shards from the leather seat onto the gravel below. “The moron pissed me off. You don’t piss me off in a palce I don’t want to be at.”
“Duly noted.”
“I’m Temari by the way.”
Shikamaru started the car. “You sound like you hate all kinds of parties.”
“I do.”
“Then why are you here?”
“The collective influence of my father and one of my brothers.”
“Most women like dancing.”
“Yes, well unlike most women, I don’t want to squirm and wiggle where everyone can see me. That’s a private thing.” She explained indignantly.
“You’re odd.”
Why, thank you.” Temari pushed the buttons on his radio. The fizzy noise was starting to annoy her. “What’s up with your radio?”
Shikamaru pulled out of the parking lot. “It doesn’t work.”
Temari growled. “See, your crap sucks.”
“Good to know.”
“This isn’t a date by the way.” Temari clarified.
“Okay,” Shikamaru said with a smile.
Temari scowled. “Why are you smiling?”
“Woman, you just broke my windows: one on accident and one because I said you wouldn’t. Plus, you broke Sasuke’s windows. You insulted me, refused to apologize, and look like nothing but trouble. Why would I even consider dating someone as scary as you?”
Temari pulled a bobby pin out of her hair and stretched it out. Without even bothering to ask permission she slipped it inside the radio box and started fiddling with the mechanisms inside.
“Woman, what’re you doing?” Shikamaru asked, his eyebrows furrowed.
She pressed the bobby pin firmly into the familiar spot and kept pushing until she hear the customary clicking noise. Temari grinned happily as music suddenly sounded out perfectly clear. “Fixing your stereo.” Temari fiddled with the knobs to find a good station.
Shikamaru looked at her in confusion. “How did you do that?”
“I have a knack with fixing electronics. Breaking them too.” She explained. Temari smiled contentedly as she found her favorite station. “Oh, and you’d want to date me because I’m fucking fantastic.” She grinned widely at him, “I’m irresistible.”
Shikamaru stared at her blankly almost as if he really believed her. “I knew coming to this party would be a mistake.” She hear him grumble under his breath.
“Let’s get ice cream.” Temari decided happily.
He shrugged. “Alright, but since this isn’t a date, you’re paying for your own.”
Temari snickered. “If you play your cards right maybe I’ll let you take me out on a real date.”
“Oh, joy.” He muttered sarcastically. Or maybe not-so sarcastically, Temari wasn’t all that sure.
Yeah, Temari hated parties; apparently though, some interesting people did occasionally happen to attend.
Summary: There were some mornings when she woke up, that she just hated herself.
A/N: This story was inspired by a very annoying day I had about three months ago. I spent all night doing a stupid lab write-up for Chemistry and shoved the info in my bag. Upon getting to school i realized I’d neglected to stuff the most important part in my bag. There’s three lost hours of sleep completely wasted. After spilling out this story, I’d managed to erase the negative feelings and managed to cram the info out by the end of the day. My teacher allowed me to turn it in by after school that day, and I managed it, thought I considerably owe my best friend a lot for being able to finish it.
Light filtered in from the expanse window and struck the table. Birds sand from somewhere outside and the chatter inside the room seemed to melt together. All the voices within ran into one another so that the noise seemed to be just a loud unintelligible whisper. It sounded just like a lullaby to her ears. Temari struggled to keep her eyes open. Beside her, Nara Shikamaru was staring at the ceiling in disinterest. Temari couldn’t say for sure if she thought he was listening or not; Shikamaru, interestingly enough, paid attention even when it seemed like he was not. Tsunade was resting her chin on her palm, eyes glazed over. Temari was sure the Hokage was only paying half attention.
Meanwhile, the elders were arguing ceaselessly over some topic that really had no merit: the next Hokage. Everyone in Konoha, shinobi and civilian alike, knew who the next Hokage would be. Even the Suna inhabitants knew. Arguing about it was just a pointless waste of time.
And sleep.
Temari did her best to stifle the loud yawn that slipped from her lips. It didn’t work very well. She slouched down in her chair as the pointed eyes of the elder council turned to glare at her critically. Even when she was at her best, the council looked at her as if she were a traitorous bug. Sure, she understood why they looked at her that way, but it was very annoying. Especially since she was always working her ass off for them. Shikamaru smirked at her obvious discomfort. Temari gritted her teeth in frustration. “Hypocrite.” She hissed at him. His eyes glittered. Underneath the table Temari balled her hand into a fist. He was making fun of her! How dare he?! He was always dozing off during meetings, and unlike her current situation, he never had a feasible reason.
Tsunade straightened. “Well, we should discuss the more pressing issue.”
The council members looked stonily at the current Hokage.
Temari silently thanked the higher deity in charge for the deflection in hostility. Foreign ambassador really wasn’t worth the money she was paid.
“Temari-san?” Tsunade prodded.
Temari straightened and reached for the folder she’d placed on her desk. The sooner she was done, the sooner she could rest her weary body on a bed. She pulled the papers our of her folder and flicked through them sluggishly, trying to find the correct one.
Her heart sped up as her fingers grazed over the sheets without finding the most important sheet. Her fingers rested on the very last sheet.
No…
“Temari-san?”
Temari shut her eyes tight and counted slowly to ten. With a heavy decisively annoyed feeling in her gut she opened her eyes and replied tersly through gritted teeth. “I don’t believe I have the calculations necessary.”
One of the elders gawked at her in a mixture of astonishment and disguts, “You didn’t do–”
“Of course I did it!” She snapped in annoyance. Temari ground her teeth. “I just…don’t have it with me.”
Shikamaru snickered silently.
Without a second thought Temari acted out on her anger and kicked the lazy man swiftly under the table. “Let me just drop by my hotel and I’ll bring the paper back.” She was honestly surprised she could talk as intelligibly as she could with her teeth ground together as strongly as they were.
“I’ll accompany her.” Shikamaru volunteered lazily.
“No, you–” Temari began, but was cut off by an elder.
“Just go get it.” The elder snapped.
Temari felt her control over her demeanor slipping. “Very well.” Temari pushed herself away from the table and walked out of the room, desperately trying to convince herself not to damaage any property (or people) on her way out.
Things would be fine. The paper was on the table, she’d get it, present it, and voila, no hours wasted.
Shikamaru smirked at her again as she made her way swiftly through the village.
“Wipe that expression off your face before I ground you into dust, Nara.”
He shrugged, “I just find it humorous that the responsible one forgot–”
“I did not forget. I just…don’t have it.” She finished rather lamely. She just had to have deemed herself the ‘responsible one’, didn’t she? Ugh, he was going to annoy her about this even forever.
“Did you even do it?” He pressed again, a teasing smile on his lips.
She growled, “Of course I did. Why do you think I’m so tired?”
“Partying.” She stopped in her tracks and turned on him, ready to knock him out. He held up his hands in front of him in self defense. “Hey! Joking! Calm down, will you? It’s not so bad. You did it. You just pick it up, bring it back, dilemma solved.”
“Shut up.” Temari turned away from him and continued on her trek back to the hotel. Some days that boy just did not know when to shut up.
He rolled his eyes at her. “You’re crankier than usual.”
“What did I say?!”
“Alright, alright, woman!” He grumbled. The lazy shinobi drew his hands up behind his hand, dark eyes watching the clouds as he walked.
Sometimes, she really hated Shikamaru.
He was lazier than a damn cloud and regardless, everything always went well for him. He might do something ten minutes before it was needed and he pulled it off with great splendor. He never had to stay up at ungodly hours to finish something. He could just do it in two minutes.
Ooh, yes, sometimes she hated him.
Though that hatred was just because at those times, she wished she could be him.
Still in the same grumpy mood, she reached the hotel and yanked open the door with way more force than unnecessary. She marched up the stairs bitterly, Shikamaru following after her languidly. She opened the door to her room, making sure to slam the door in the lazy shadow ninja’s face behind her, and crossed over to the table where she’d been working on the papers.
It was one giant heaping mess.
Temari pushed papers aside and thumbed through the sheets looking desperately for the right one.
“Uh…Temari?” Shikamaru interrupted uncertainly.
“What?” She snapped angrily, not happy considering she cold not locate the necessary information. Shikamaru held a shredded piece of paper up for her to see. “This wouldn’t happen to be it would it?”
Temari’s anger tripled. “What did you do to it?!”
“Not me.” He defended. “Your dog.”
“I don’t have a dog!” She screamed at him.
“Fine, your neighbor’s dog. Whatever. Furry little thing with blue eyes.”
Temari stared at him for a few second before kicking the wall. “I hate this day!” She slumped to the floor arms crossed and eyes squeezed shut. “I hate, hate, hate today!”
Shikamaru crouched before her. “Temari?”
“Go away, Nara,” She grumbled, feeling tears behind her eyes. She didn’t want to cry over something this ridiculously stupid, but she was just beyond frustrated.
“You can–”
“Just shut up and go away!”
He sighed in annoyance. “Fine, let’s spar.”
Her eyes flicked open in shock. “What?”
“You need to release your irritation. You obviously don’t want to talk it out right now, so let’s spar.”
He hadn’t agreed to spar with her ever and she had asked continually. Why was he…What…Why now? “Why?”
He blinked. “Why, what?”
“Why would you spar–”
“Because you’re obviously frustrated and this will help.”
“But why for me?” She understood why he might suggest something so out of character for Ino or Chouji, they were his best friends; but she…she was just that bossy, loud, Suna girl who was always pestering him. Why would he bother doing something so decidedly troublesome for her?
He looked slightly uncomfortable. “You’re important to me.”
Temari blushed a bit. Before she could think through her actions, she found her arms were wrapped around the indolent man.
She was hugging him.
She jumped back immediatly upon the realization of her actions. She awkwardly rubbd her shoulder. “Umm…Wont the council…”
“I can take care of it.” He shrugged. “Don’t worry.” He smiled slightly at her. “And after the spar, I can help you redo the numbers.”
She bit her lip and smiled. “You’re not so bad.” She brushed her hair out her eyes. “You know, for a lazy crybaby anyway.”
He rolled his eyes.
Some days, she hated herself.
Some days, she hated her luck.
Some days, she hated the world.
And some days, she hated fate.
But then fate reminded her even thought it liked messing her up, it always gave her someone to pull her through the troule.
Thank goodness for friends.
They were there even when you didn’t know they were.
(Even though sometimes, you hated them just a little bit too.)
Temari had screamed herself hoarse when she discovered she was pregnant.
After her capacity for yelling appropriately had diminished, she told Shikamaru. The lazy bum seemed shocked to hear the news, but instead of being filled with the same rage and fury as her, he was filled with joy. The sparkle of happiness in his eyes soured her further. He should not be happy. By all rights, he should be ruing the thought, since her being pregnant with his child could only bring problems for both of them.
They weren’t even married.
She thought about yelling and smacking him about, but found she just didn’t have the energy. Instead she just sunk to the couch in his home with a sullen expression and aching limbs. She hated the baby. She hated the baby with every fiber of her being. Shikamaru seated himself beside her, a question in his eyes. He didn’t ask it though.
Temari was glad he didn’t. He probably wouldn’t have liked the answer.
xXxXx
Shikamaru knew that a kid would ruin a lot of things. He knew that a kid would possibly mess up a scheme of his plans, and probably a lot more of Temari’s plans. He fathomed she wasn’t so keen on the idea of lumbering about in such a weak, bloated, and virtually useless (as far as shinobi were concerned anyway) state for months. He wasn’t so keen on dealing with a Temari in that state. He wasn’t so keen on waking up in the middle of the night to a child’s cries. He wasn’t so keen on a lot of the hardship. Mostly he wasn’t to enamored with the very real possibility of leaving Konoha and becoming a Suna shinobi just so he could be a part of the kid’s (and Temari’s) life .
But, despite all of that, he found the idea of a kid, a kid with Temari nonetheless, was better than any complication life had in store for him.
xXxXx
Of all the irksome things that pregnancy brought, the most annoying of them was her huge round beach ball of a belly. She couldn’t walk around with it. Getting out of bed became a laborious project. She usually lay there for five minutes before she mustered the desire to exert all the damn energy necessary to pull herself out of the mattress. Some days she even flirted with the idea of not getting out of bed at all. Shikamaru, the jerk, did nothing to discourage the idea. In fact, he kept encouraging her to stay in bed; he never dropped his nonsense about her needing rest.
What did she need a rest from anyway?! She shouldn’t even be tired, dammit. All she did was get up, eat, walk around, read a book, play shogi, talk, and then go back to sleep.
Ridiculousness.
Temari hated the ball. It knocked into things, made every movement she made slower, and because of it’s gigantic proportions, it’d been a while since she’d seen her own feet.
Yes, Temari hated her belly.
She would sit exhausted on the couch, annoyed that just walking to the kitchen and making herslef breakfast took so much energy out of her. Shikamaru always offered to make her breakfast (in fact, he offered to make her all meals), but she always refused, irked that she couldn’t even pull off such a simple action without getting excessively tired. Shikamaru would always sit beside her, contemplating something or another, he usually shared if she wasn’t in too foul of a mood.
Then she would feel a jolt inside of her. A punch or a kick — some sort of jab in her tummy. No matter how often it occurred every time she felt the hit, she jumped up in shock. She would draw her hands to her belly and feel the fight inside of her. The baby would be a strong one, she would think. Also, due to the child’s incessant kicks, it was apparent it did not take after the usual Nara apathy. It was this that made her believe the creature inside of her was a girl. After all, male Naras were conceited lethargic geniuses. Upon discovering she was pregnant with Shikamaru’s child, she traced his family lineage back as far as possible to find what traits her child might inherit; this journey only served to inform her that the males in his clan were all lazy chauvinists too smart for their own good, and the females never inherited the kekkai genkai. This information did nothing new to her outlook. She still couldn’t stomach the idea of accepting the creature let alone trying to decide if she wanted a girl or a boy.
She grew more certain each day that passed that it was a girl.
She still never decided if she considered that a good thing or bad thing.
Whenever she felt the kicks in her enormous belly, she would motion the movement within her to Shikamaru. The lazy man would press his hand (or his ear) gently on her belly. The warmth of his body always tickled her and stirred her to the bone, and even years later when she was an old woman, she’d remember with striking clarity how the kicks grew more pronounced when he touched her. It was as if the creature inside her noted his presence and demanded to get out.
A charming and honest smile always graced his face when he felt the creature within her stir.
Temari never told him that the child tended to react more strongly when he touched her. She was sure he would’ve like to know. In fact, she was sure that knowledge would make him feel happier, but in those days Temari was selfish, and the child only served as a hated object impeding her from everyday activities. She was suffering, and if she could withhold a precious bit of information from Shikamaru, then she felt her suffering was at least somewhat paralleled by the other causative factor of her pathetic state.
Regardless of all her bitter thoughts, Temari couldn’t explain the warmth those moments brought. She couldn’t explain how she could hate her belly and the child within it with every fiber of her being, but love it at the same time. Sometimes, she thought, maybe it was a good thing she got pregnant.
Only sometimes.
xXxXx
Temari debated over the idea of giving her child up for adoption.
She thought over it long and hard, and had yet to come up with a reasonable decision. She didn’t want the baby. She knew she didn’t want to raise a child. She wasn’t fit to, and she wasn’t wanting to learn how to become fit to either. Babies were for soft tender civilians — not for women like her.
xXxXx
“I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! OH, GOD, NARA! ONCE THIS IS OVER I WILL SKIN YOU ALIVE! I’LL SHOVE A FUCKING WATERMELON DOWN YOUR THROAT AND PULL IT OUT OF YOUR END! SEE IF YOU LIKE THIS CR—OH DAMN!” Temari screamed loudly.
Beside her, Shikamaru winced periodically as her grip on his hand tightened with each wave of pain. He didn’t complain, and he didn’t try to pull away; he didn’t voice his pain, and he didn’t say anything about calming down to her.
Unlike the idiotic nurse.
Temari savored ideas of snapping the skinny twits neck once this was over. How could she calm down? She was pushing the largest friggin’ head out of a pathetically small hole. This type of action shouldn’t even be possible!
Shikamaru just knelt by her bedside, allowing her to crush his hand to what she later discovered was so incredibly forceful she dislocated two fingers and broke his thumb. The lazy man, in contrast to the nurse’s pleas, told her to scream and swear to her hearts content every time th damn nurse tried to get her to calm down. She bit his head off quite a lot during her rants. She insulted him, and she was also certain spilled quite a few hurtful and embarrassing comments (that she later admitted to being mostly false) to him at a such a loud tremor that the people waiting outside (including her brothers, his teammates, and most of the 12 young Konoha shinobi whom she’d gone against in her first shot at the Chuunin exam) could hear every single word and related every word to any other shinobi that knew either or both of them. Shikamaru never called her out on it, and never told her to shut up.
If Temari weren’t in so much pain, she would’ve appreciated what Shikamaru was doing, but as it was, she felt like she was dying and was in no mood to so such a thing.
In that instant as she lay giving birth she gained a newfound respect toward all mothers. Mothers were the strongest and craziest creatures on earth. Especially those who had more than one child. Giving birth hurt more than any injury she’d ever sustained on the field — and she’d sustained quite a few. She’d almost died once and this still hurt more than that did.
That child had better damn well be special for all this pain it was causing her.
xXxXx
“TWINS!” Temari screamed frantically through her pain; although,between her yells, the child’s cries, the nurse’s frantic commands, the doctor’s snap that everyone should shut up, and Shikamaru’s exclamations of confusion to the doctor, it was hard to distinguish what anyone was really saying. Later, people weren’t even aware she had said anything at all when the doctor declared there was still another child. Everyone remembered her as having taken the news rather quietly and determinedly.
In reality, she had probably been the loudest one.
She had thought she had finished laboring when she heard the cries of the child. She had thought the torture was over, but nooo, the doctor went off and proclaimed she had another fucking baby in her uterus.
No wonder her belly had been gigantic.
xXxXx
After she had calmed down enough (with some help from medication supplied by the doctor) Shikamaru had placed one of the children in her arms. A soft bellied boy with russet skin and Shikamaru’s dark eyes. Temari gasped audibly as the chubby boy turned in her arms. His slanted eyes stared up at her lazily and the boy seemed to yawn. Tufts of blond hair were visible at the top of his head. Temari was unsure as to what to do with the creature in her arms. It was just a baby, and it was so tiny. What did one do with them?
Gently, Shikamaru shifted the bundled package in his hands (she assumed it was the other child) to one arm and with his free hand he pushed her arms gently so her arms swayed rocking the staring boy to and fro tenderly.
Temari continued the rocking after Shikamaru’s hands had retreated back to the other child.
The little boy smiled widely and turned to his side cradling into the nook of her arms.
It wasn’t so hard she thought.
Just move him here and there.
She found her lips tug up into a happy grin. He was lovely.
xXxXx
The girl was more like Temari. She had been born first and come out crying like a banshee. The boy had come out without a noise; so quietly in fact, that they had all feared the boy was dead. But he had merely just come out asleep.
The twins, seemed to have inherited their mother’s desire for individuality. On top of seeming to have two strikingly different personalities, they had very different appearances. The doctor said they were fraternal twins. Temari didn’t really care what they were, so long as they didn’t suddenly break. Having held them in her hands once, she was afraid the little things would break at once, and she didn’t want them to break.
She wanted them to be whole living happily.
The girl had dark brown hair, fair skin, and dark green eyes that reminded Temari fairly of her own. Upon holding the girl in her hands Temari knew instantly she had been the one kicking and punching. The girl squirmed in her hands and bit and kicked angrily. But when placed next to her quiet brother, she seemed to calm considerably. Just like when the boy was placed next to the girl he seemed to perk up instantly.
They were lovely little things.
The more time she spent looking at him, the less she could imagine giving them away. They were her and they were Shikamaru and the thought of putting that up for adoption felt as if she were rejecting a peice of herself. She and Shikamaru had made them.
Besides, it’s not like she could trust a stranger to understand the odd children and care for them.
Maybe she wouldn’t do such a good job either, but those kids were hers, and if it killed her she would learn.
It couldn’t be harder than being a kunoichi, right?
xXxXx
Shikamaru was baffled when he first held the boy. Unlike the girl, who seemed to automatically shut up when the noisy bundle was placed in his hands, the mystifyingly quiet boy turned his dark beady eyes upon him and let out the loudest scream Shikamaru had ever head. He was even confident the yell surpassed Temari’s loudest one. The boy would also start crying and kicking furiously.
Shikamaru was so startled by the reaction he nearly dropped the boy. He rocked him, talked to him, coddled him, and hushed him; Shikamaru did everything he could to calm the boy down, but like his mother, the child refused to be pacified. When Shikamaru’s confusion grew to a state so profound he didn’t know what to do with the child, he passed the boy into his mother’s hands (since Temari was still seemingly yelling her head off and being tested for possible complications). As soon as the boy left his arms, it ceased making any noise whatsoever.
This frustrated Shikamaru so much that he took the boy right back out of his mothers hands, despite Yoshino’s fervent protests, as if such an action would erase the child’s previous inquietude. Just like before, as soon as his hands held the russet skinned boy, he began making an obscenely loud ruckus.
Yoshino took the boy back a frustrated frown on her lips and muttered that he simply did not know how to care for a child. She further prattled that she felt sorry for the children, as they were doomed to have two parents who knew not how to take care of a child. Yoshino even made vague assurances that she would spening a lot of time at his home caring for the twins.
Shikamaru was far too disturbed with the boy’s reaction to protest or defend himself.
Although, it didn’t escape his notion to defend Temari.
Somehow he never failed to do that particular thing.
xXxXx
Despite Temari’s silence about the entire affair, Shikamaru was more than aware that Temari had been contemplating giving the children up for adoption. He was also aware, though everyone he knew would insist he did not know, that Temari had almost had an abortion.
He was aware that the blond desert kunoichi had stood outside a clinic, palms sweaty and heart racing. He was aware she had made an appointment. He was aware she had even stepped inside the building.
He was also aware that she had ran out shortly after entering stopping at the Kazekage building furiously demanding to see the Kazekage.
Temari had been crying and screaming and ranting nonsensical statements when she did so; the poor receptionist was always frightened of Temari, and Temari in that particular state had driven the receptionist so mad with terror, that she was perfectly willing to interrupt the Kazekage’s important meeting with the Kage of the lightning village to declare that his elder sister was having a psychotic episode.
It was then that a select few of people managed to see the Kazekage explode. It wasn’t for the matter that his sister had ‘besmirched’ the family name by dallying about and becoming impregnated by a man without being married like most people suspected; it wasn’t because he was enraged at the thought of a man using his sister so without any commitment or at the very least decent protection on his part like Kankurou was; it wasn’t because Temari had nearly ended a child’s life like some avid protectors of human life would proclaim; and it most definitely wasn’t because Temari had interrupted an important meeting like the council was. In fact, Gaara of the desert lost his temper because and only because when he questioned his sister about the entire event and the implications it was sure to bring, Temari asserted that she did not want Shikamaru to know anything about the child.
To this day, Temari is still at odds as to why Gaara reacted so strongly to what was possibly the only demand she had her heart set firmly upon.
Only Shikamaru and possibly Kankurou know why Gaara lost his temper so horribly that day, and neither of them will ever repeat it to another human being.
xXxXx
Temari would watch Shikamaru as surreptitiously as she could during the first days of the twins’ lives. She
would trace his movements and strain to hear his every word, curious as to how attached and serious he was about the children. The first thing she noticed was Shikamaru’s obvious aggravation with the boy. The second thing she noticed, is he didn’t give up like she (and everyone else) expected him to do. In fact, he would hold the boy as often as possible, talk to the boy frequently, and Ino swore she saw the lazy man reading a book on caring for a young boy whenever he wasn’t in the hospital. It’s not like he neglected the girl either. He placed tender care and affection upon both the children. It was evident in his every movement and tender word that he really loved the young children.
Temari’s heart twisted painfully when she saw him holding the children.
She would turn her head and stare at her hands, upset and confused at his actions. Temari had decided determinedly to keep the children, but she also intended to go back to Suna. Living in Konoha was not for her. Even if she stayed here her children would have a decent father, she simply could not stay in Konoha.
Deep down she was afraid of telling him, because she thought it might hurt her more than she was ready for.
xXxXx
If anyone asked her if she loved Shikamaru she would lie. She would shake her head furiously and exlaim in the most indignant tone that she could not love that man. How could she?
If anyone asked Shikamaru if he loved her he would smile. If you were pushy enough as most Konoha shinobi were, he would eventually open his mouth and tell you that he did. How could he not?
If anyone asked any of their friends or family how they thought the entire debacle would end, mostly all of them would respond in the same way. Some would scoff, some would spittle, some would giggle, some would chortle, some would roll their eyes, but most of them would say those two could only end up together. Who knew how or when, but they would.
xXxXx
When she was healthy enough to leave the hospital, she took her children and informed Shikamaru she would be leaving.
He shrugged and said he’d figured she would.
Temari couldn’t really explain how disappointed she felt at the deliverance of such news. Somehow she’d hoped he would’ve fuaght hard for the twins (if not for her like she hoped) but apparently that wasn’t the case. Maybe he really didn’t care for them so much.
xXxXx
Temari was shocked to find Shikamaru in Suna three days later.
He’d forgotten to mention to her that he would be following her back to Suna.
“Leave.” She demanded, though she was grateful he’d shown up.
“No.” He leveled his eyes at her. “You damn well better get used to me, Temari, because I’m not leaving.”
“Oh,” she seethed, “and why not?”
“Because I’m not letting the three people I really love not be in my life.”
Temari hesitated. She stared resolutely at the ground before grumbling that he could stay. Shikamaru smiled softly at her and wrapped his large arms around her. His warmth was so comforting and safe.
Temari hadn’t felt safe in ages.
It was good, her children would be safe, with him, with her.
Parenthood wouldn’t be so bad, she mused, especially if it was with him.
xXxXx
“Breathe.” Shikamaru whispered into her ear as he held her tighter. Her body shook in his arms. Never before had he thought of her as fragile until now.
Swallowing breaths and shaking fingers. Temari clutched at his clothing her fingers digging into the
cloth. With her eyes squeezed shut and heart in her throat she couldn’t think. All she knew was that she was tired.
She was dead tired.
“Breathe.” He repeated again. “Just breathe.”
Temari fingers clutched him tighter. She wasn’t even sure if she remembered how to breathe.
xXxXx
It was all blood.
Blood stained her hands.
Blood stained her soul.
What was she supposed to do with all the blood?
Without a word, Lee took her hands in his and looked her in the eyes. “Tenten, it will be fine.”
Fine.
Fine.
How can…How can anything be fine?
“Tenten.” Lee’s eyes search her. “Say something.”
Behind him Neji watches her in apprehension too. He’s worried. Tenten looks at her hands. Is she in such a state that even Neji can look worried? Is she so…
What’s with all the blood?!
Arms wrap around her.
Words are murmured to her.
Someone squeezes her hand.
It will be fine.
Can it? Can it be fine?
xXxXx
Kankurou stares at her.
How could she understand? How could a stupid girl like her ever understand? “Go away.” He tells her. Like he’s told her countless times before.
This time, instead of heading his command she kneels before him. Her pale fingers wrap around his hands, her head bowed, dark brown bangs covering her brown eyes. “I’m here. You matter. I’m here.”
“You don’t know anything.”
She squeezes his hands. “Then tell me.”
Her eyes connect with his.
Tell me.
Blood and sacrifice is matted around his heart. Around his soul. He doesn’t know what’s right anymore. He doesn’t know…He doesn’t know anything but duty anymore.
“Tell me.” She whispers. “Help me understand.”
He knows she isn’t a saint. But he doesn’t want her to carry his troubles on top of her own. “Go away.” He whispers again.
Shinobi are such fragile things. They break so easily.
She nods. “But you know, regardless of how many times you tell me to go away,” She smiles lightly, “I’ll always be here.”
xXxXx
She cranes her head at him. “I think, it’s not so bad.”
He’s aware that he’s shaking. “You think.”
“I think.” She confirms.
The world turns on it’s axis and runs and walks and talks as if he is of no consequence. As if…What does it all matter?
Temari gave her boyfriend a suspicious look as she took the bag from his hands. Shikamaru just gave her a tiny self-satisfied smirk.
Inwardly Temari braced herself; there was a very good change, judging from the cocky gleam in his eye, that she would not like what was inside the bag one bit. She opened the shopping bag with trepidation.
Not a reply from Shikamaru.
Ugh. It really boded ill if he didn’t even tease her for her 
apprehension in opening a stupid shopping bag. She looked inside.
There settled at the bottom was something very, very light blue, and very, very lacy. ”Nara, what is this?”
The smirk in his lips grew more evident. “Lingerie.”
The bag fell from her hands. “You’re joking right?”
“No joke.” He replied in all seriousness.
Warily, she picked the bag up again, and removed the contents. It was strappy, and lacy, and frilly, and oh-so girly. She suspected it to be something Ino might swoon over. Of course, if it weren’t in blue. Ino despised blue.
Temari felt her cheeks inflame as she looked over the article. There was no way in hell she would put this stupidity on. For goodness sakes’ she’d look ridiculous! She held the garment away from herself and in Shikamaru’s direction. She shook her head vehemently, hoping that her blush wasn’t as obviously red as she suspected it to be. “Hell, no.”
He tipped his head to the side, and looked at her from the corner of his eye. Temari swallowed in nervousness. Shikamaru’s eyes were gleaming like they did when he knew he was about to win a battle. “You owe me.” He said clearly.
Temari’s blush darkened. “I–That’s–I didn’t think you’d try to settle it with something like this!”
“Backing out are we?”
“I…You-ugh! Pick anything else!”‘
“So anything else is fair game?” ”As long as it doesn’t involve silly underwear.”
Shikamaru’s lips quirked up into a smile. He opened his mouth to speak.
“AH! Wait!” Temari spat out before the talked. She was dealing with a genius; he’d probably pick something even worse than this. Brilliant! Why did she have to fall in love with a genius? The problem with his high intellect being, any restriction she could give him, his superior mind would probably find a way around. “Oh, damn.” She growled.
Shikamaru chuckled. “So? Which one? Will you do this, or do I pick another?”
“Why can’t you just be a greedy jerk and ask for money?” She grumbled.
“You wouldn’t be dating me if I were.” He pointed out.
Temari looked hopelessly at the lacy, flimsy, lame-excuse-for-clothing. This was absolutely ridiculous. “Can’t I at least have it in black, or-or purple?” She whined.
He shook his head smiling. “Nope. Now stop being troublesome and put it on.”
She took the clothing into the bathroom, scowling the entire way. “Remind me never to ask you for a favor and promise to pay you back.” She could hear the mirth in Shikamaru’s reply. “I’ll probably forget.”
She scoffed. “How convenient.”
Crying, Temari had always reasoned, was a stupid thing to do.What was the point in letting hot wet drops fall from her eyes? It didn’t solve anything, and it certainly wouldn’t make her feel better – in any sense of the word.
Yet, here she was, crouched on the grassy floor, tears falling from her eyes, and body shaking uncontrollably. Dry, horrible heaving sounds wracked from her body. They seemed to come from somewhere nestled far too deeply for them to be real. Part of her desperately wished she was dreaming. Crying did not suit a person of her caliber.
It didn’t!
She stiffened as a familiar presence settled beside her.
“Go away.” She snapped angrily.
She couldn’t stop the tears flowing, so turned her head to the side so he would be unable to see her cry. He must be astonished to see she had the capabilities to cry. To him, she must just be cold stone.
What a way to ruin her reputation.
“It’s okay to cry, Temari.” He said softly. “There’s no shame in it.”
Temari spat a slew of curse words at him. Practicality and sensibility were not things she welcomed right now. She was feeling bad, and feeling bad and reasonable words didn’t go together.
She considered getting up and walking away, but she figured more people would see her tear-streaked face that way. People who would actually tell other people and never allow her to live down this moment of weakness. He at least, would keep it to himself if she asked, and the most annoying thing he could do or say was already said.
He didn’t press the issue, instead choosing to lie on the grass beside her and stare up through the leaves of the tree she was leaning against at the sky.
She tried her best to ignore him.
In a few minutes, she had even forgotten he was there.
Temari sat there for awhile, curled up into a ball, her arms hugging her knees to her chest tightly, and head resting on her knees. When the tears refused to fall anymore, her entire body was so numb she couldn’t move. Temari attempted to stand but fell straight back down. She was expecting a hard heavy fall, but instead soft warmth surrounded her body.
“Troublesome woman.”
Temari tried to struggle, but her limbs were too numb for her to have any lasting effect. “Let me go.”
“You’ll fall.” He stated simply. “At least wait until you can move correctly will you?”
Temari scowled, but did as he said.
Shikamaru held her awkwardly, but without much embarrassment.
This embarrassed Temari horribly, as she found it odd for him to be holding her. She stared resolutely at the floor.
When feeling came back into her limbs she left the clearing and headed to her hotel without a single word to the lazy shinobi.
She never did explain to him why she was crying, and he never did ask.
There was just a connection between them that said everything that needed to be said.
Crying, Temari always thought, was a stupid thing to do.
Especially when there wasn’t much reason for it in the first place.
Oddly enough, Shikamaru disagrees.
“What are you so afraid of?” She says quietly, honestly, curiously. Her green eyes are more beautiful today than he can ever remember them being. Her skin is softer than it’s ever looked. Her smile is warmer than her usual smiles.
“Everything.”
She leans forward, her scent floating off her body and flooding his senses. He’s incredibly aware that the way they’re positioned is very compromising, incredibly aware that if he kissed her right now not only would she not protest, she kiss back; incredibly aware that there’s never been a moment when he’s lost his footing quite like this; incredibly aware that if he doesn’t act now she will turn her back to him and live her life; incredibly aware that he wouldn’t like his life if he let her walk away.
“Nara,” she murmurs to him, “that’s exactly why you should give it a shot. Dance in the rain. Talk to the lions. Live a little.”
“All things that could potentially kill me.”
“You would die happy.”
She’s been driving him mad since he had to become her guide. Her scent, her laugh, her wicked grin, her bossy attitude, her damned violence – it’s all been driving him mad. “You’re insane.”
She laughs. “Possibly.” Her lips curve into a delicious smile. “I rather like the world that way.” She extends her hand to him, her tan fingers shining in the moonlight, “Care to see for yourself?”
——————————–
The best way to waste your life … is by taking notes. The easiest way to avoid living is to just watch. Look for the details. Report. Don’t participate.”
Chuck Palahniuk
—————————– 
It’s easy to see what he’s doing. Easy to figure out that what he’s doing is really avoiding doing anything of importance at all. He watches and learns. I suppose that’s what makes him such a good shinobi. The simple and pure act of being able to spend his life looking at other people, interpreting their choices and chances and learning how they do what they do, or even why the bother to do it. That takes skill. To be able to watch. To spot every fold and touch every crease, to be able to see the world in complete detail, and never really participate in it at all.
It’s got to get boring after awhile. At the very least, it would bore me. Just watching and learning but never ever doing. It’s safe, that’s for sure.
That’s probably the flaw of human beings. Our instinct for self-preservation. Our desire for safety.
The problem being that nothing worth having is quite so…safe. Everything that could let you breathe, give you life, inspire you, and alter you is damnably unsafe and certainly insane.
Living is for the crazy. Who else would bother in a world that can kill you with just a word? Demolish a civilization with a stone? And crack a heart with one deed.
The more I think about it the more sure I am that his instinct for survival is more attuned than most people’s. Mostly because he’s actually aware of how the instinct works and why it works as such. It’s the genius thing. It throws him off track and spindles him down to a world where everything is so…apathetic.
Deep down, I think all the lethargy he sports is really just for show. I have trouble believing he really doesn’t care about anything. Really there are many things I’m sure he doesn’t care about. Like what to eat for breakfast, whether or not people like him, what the latest trends are. Maybe he doesn’t even care about advancing or becoming a better person.
Regardless of what is and isn’t, I still thinks he’s very much throwing his life away. And he knows he’s throwing it away. He wants to be safe.
That’s really a shame.
For two reasons.
Firstly, it’s his life he’s tossing aside. His life he’s avoiding. His book he isn’t writing.
And secondly, it’s his life that I want tied to mine. If he doesn’t want to try, there goes half of my life.
Stupid right?I just…I like him. Fuck, I MORE than like him, I love him. And when you really, really hit the thick of things that just plain sucks.
Sometimes, I’ve gotten the urge to just – just want to stand up to him, smack him around firmly, tell him exactly how I feel, smack him around a little more, and that kick him in the shins. Hey, it’s a bit violent, but no idiot ever got the message with just words. Him in particular. He needs to be smacked around A LOT. And hard too.
But, despite how much I want to, I can’t.
For all my attitude, and cockiness, and confidence, in the matters of love I have no more zeal that Hinata does. Probably less zeal than her. At least, from her actions you can TELL how she feels, from how I act the most hints he’s probably gotten is that I want to mutilate him.
I do.
The tiniest bit.
I just happen to want to kiss him more.
Laziness is NOT supposed to be a virtue. Or – or sexy damn you. But on him it just – it seems like it. And that just annoys and excites me. Ugh.
You know what would be nice?
If he just – poof – up and told me he loved me.
Oh, but how could that happen?! I don’t even think he realizes I’m a girl. Hmph. Lots of others notice. You’d figure it was pretty obvious, but not to him. Not really.
So, because I’m a coward and I suck and the world hates me, I just gotta settle for dreaming.
How.
Lame.
Is.
That?
It’s easy to see what he’s doing. I just wish it was just as easy to let him see that things could be better. That I could be his better.
I jump upon feeling a hand on my shoulder.
“Jumpy, Tem.”
I blush furiously at his usage of my nickname. My brothers call me Mari. My friends call me Temari. My acquaintances call me Temari-san. And my enemies call me ‘that bitch’. Only Shikamaru calls me Tem. I hate that I think it sounds sexy when he says it. I hate that I love the way it sounds when he says it. I’d always hated being called Tem, but he made me love it. “Shut up.”
“Blushing too. Aren’t you odd? Having an off day?” He teased gently.
“Oh, bugger off, Nara.”
His face turned serious. “I will soon. I just have something to say. And a question to ask.”
I mumbled something incoherent to him.
He doesn’t notice or doesn’t care. “What do you think about love?”
I almost trip over my feet. “What do I what?”
“Love. What’s your view?”
“Why do you ask?”
“You’re the only person’s who’s opinion I actually hold in high regard and find value in.”
I blush. Oh, jeez, he’s right. I’m having a very off day. It’s all these thoughts about dreaming and kisses and love and sexiness.
“Well?”
“I like it. I mean, I suppose it only works if the love is…reciprocated. Not like, works works, but happy works, you know? Oh, gee, I’m not making sense. Okay, I think it’s very…surreal, because I figure it’s gotta be hard to find someone to love you that you also happen to love; but when that junk happens it’s got to be…brilliant. Fantastic, you know. And I realize that this idea probably sound so…cliché and fake. Sounding like some gooey sap from a romance novel, but I think it’s more that just that sticky crap. I think love is physical and intellectual and spiritual attraction. It’s more than just a pretty face; it’s being connected to a person on a level that just…feels right.” He’s looking down at me a bit oddly, his eyebrows drawn together and a frown on his lips. “Great, I sound like Ino don’t I?”
“Not in the least.”
“Ugh. I know I do. I sound like a sap. I almost hate myself. Almost, because, really, despite how stupid I think I sound I really do believe what I said.”
“So you do, believe that? Very much?”
“Incredibly so.”
“Are you in love?”
I falter. Yes. Yes. YES! If I were braver I would pour my heart out. Since I’m not… “W-Why do you want to know?”
His lips twist into an undecipherable expression. “So you are.”
“I never said that!”
“You stuttered.”
“That doesn’t mean anything!”
He doesn’t reply, just looks up at the sky. “Is he worth it?”
“W-What?”
“The guy you’re in love with. Is he worth being loved?”
I growl a bit. “How the hell would I bother knowing that? Even if I did love someone – which I don’t. Love isn’t like…a textbook. You don’t have a manual, and you don’t just KNOW. You have to…just trust. You have to have faith that your heart knows. The problem is that the heart rarely ever knows, it just loves. And that sucks, but the feeling of return has got to be great enough that it’s just worth all the bullshit. Who knows if the person you love is worth your heart? All that matters is that your heart wants that person’s heart. That your souls just…click.”
“So, you say you should have faith?”
“Yes.”
“And it’s worth the trouble?”
“If it wasn’t why would so many people bother?”
“They’re all masochists?”
“Ever notice the people who’ve never let their love take fruit are the creepiest and weirdest ones?”
He grinns. “You’re cute.”
“I resent that!” I exclaim. “I am not cute!” Hell, he could call me anything BUT cute! Cute! Cute! She was not cute, not in the least. Hot, sexy, fine, ugly, atrocious, or even repulsive, but CUTE, cute! Hell no.
“You are adorable.”
“I’m going to punch you.” I threaten.
“Like a girl like you could.”
My temper flares and I attempt to punch him, but his fingers clamp around my wrist stopping the blow. He pulls me by wrist so I smack into his chest. The heavy smell of lemon and rainwater invade my senses and block all coherent thought and logic. His smell – Kami – his smell is the sexiest bit about him.
“Not very nice, Tem.” He chastises, a mocking tone and grin evident. “I may have to change my perception of you. Guess you aren’t cute. You’re…” His fingers play at the bare expanse of my neck. “Troublesome. Irksome. Violent. Bitchy.”
I should be punching him. Or insulting him. Or just yelling at him the teeniest bit. But the shivers spreading from his touch at my neck makes that verrry hard to do. “Damn straight I’m not cute.” I wrangle out.
His head lowers and my heartbeat increases.
“No…” I feel his lips brush against my neck.
Very suddenly I’m afraid I’m going to stop breathing.
I’m afraid my heart will stop beating.
I’m afraid my body will go into a catatonic state.
“You’re beautiful.”
I swallow. “Shi-Shi-Shikam-maru…Wh-What are you d-doing?”
He lifts his head the tiniest bit and then lowers it again so his lips touch mine.
If I were a weaker person, I think I would’ve fainted.
He pulls away but I can still feel his lips on my own. I can still taste him.
Oh, this wasn’t going to help ease my stupid dreams or fantasies. Damn him.
“I’m quite bothered by you.” He says to me. “You make me want things. Things I decided long ago I didn’t want. I think…On some level your soul ‘clicks’ with mine.” He grins at the last bit.
“I think your instinct for survival is broken.” I mutter breathily.
“You should know. You broke it.”
“You broke my heart.” I mumble before I realize what I’m saying.
He leans down his lips hover above mine. “Then I daresay I must fix it.”
I melt.
Just the tiniest bit.
